The Queen of Diamonds by Raven Cavalleu

Author:Raven Cavalleu [Cavalleu, Raven]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2015-11-30T16:00:00+00:00

Caitlyn looked over at Alex's puffy, red-rimmed eyes and asked, "Is it always that bad?"

"What?"

"The therapy sessions. Are they always so painful?" A wrinkle appeared between Alex's eyebrows as she frowned. "I'm sorry. I just don't remember the last time I saw you cry, and it's obvious that you did this morning. I just wondered…" She shrugged and looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

Alex reached over and took one of her hands, lacing their fingers together. "It's okay, and to answer your question, no. This was a particularly painful session. Some days are relatively easy, almost like it's just conversation between friends. Other days, it's like Rachel is reaching in and ripping out a part of me with every question she asks and each issue discussed." She gave her a small smile and a shrug. "Today was just one of those days."

"Are you…" Caitlyn paused.

She squeezed her hand. "It's okay."

She looked down into Alex's eyes and asked, "Is it helping?"

"I think so, yes."

"Good. Even with the rough morning, you seem to be a lot happier than I can remember you being in a long time." She bumped her shoulder against Alex's. "Mom said you even have friends again."

"I do."

"I'm glad. I was worried about you. You've been so withdrawn." Alex silently nodded. "It really made me sad to see how much you changed when Jo came into your life. We hoped that would change once she was gone and were concerned when it didn't."

She looked out the back windows at the lake as she thought about it. "I didn't see what was happening until it was too late."

"It's never too late." As Alex began to shake her head in denial, Caitlyn continued. "You sent Jo packing, and now you are reaching out for your friends. You are getting professional help, and I'm proud of you for that."

"I don’t know if I'll ever be the old me again. My ability to trust has been severely compromised. I don’t even trust myself sometimes."

"What do you mean?"

Alex let go of her hand and reached for her glass of tea as she thought about the question. "I question my decisions far more than I ever used to." She took a drink and returned the glass to the coffee table. "Why did I make the decision I made? Was it a decision based on fact or fear? Did I make the right one? Should I change it? There are just so many questions. I used to trust myself, now I don't. I’m so afraid of making the same mistakes again."

She looked away as her eyes began to fill with tears. "Now more than ever, I question everyone else's motives." She closed her eyes against the press of emotions. "Nikki is the polar opposite of Jo. There really is no comparison and yet I find myself wondering why she's with me. If we have even the smallest disagreement I find myself cowering from her, afraid she is going to hit me.

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